Yes You Can!

Bill Blalock “America’s Life Coach”

Are there times when you feel you are not getting your point across? Is there a level of frustration you feel when you think you are communicating effectively, only to discover that you are getting nowhere? You may well be suffering from a lack of assertiveness in your life.

You see, assertiveness is neither passive nor aggressive. It is not motivated by fear or anger. True assertive behavior is motivated by love. You speak up for your rights and are careful not to violate anyone else’s rights at the same time. I think that’s worth repeating. True assertive behavior is motivated by love. You speak up for your rights and are careful not to violate anyone else’s rights at the same time.

The goal is to maximize the possibility that all parties in a situation are able to partially achieve their goals. This in turn leads to a more satisfying type of relationship with others and at the same time increases your self esteem.

The battle for assertive behavior begins in your mind –your “self talk.” What are you saying to yourself? Non assertive people are dominated by the “SHOULDS” of life, ultimately leading to feelings of “I CAN’T.”

1. DESCRIBE – Write down the situations in which you react non-assertively. Be honest with yourself.
2. DEFINE – What are you saying, doing, and thinking? What are your expectations? Define your own feelings, fears, hostilities and behavior.
3. DESCERN – What are others thinking? Their motives and feelings? Ask for their point of view in a loving [not aggressive] way so you have a greater understanding of where they are coming from.
4. DECIDE – Decide what you can do about the situation. What can you do in love which would create the possibility of a healthy dialogue and positive change in your life? Take ownership of your decision.